Beauty, Rush and Movies

Isn't that a beautiful shot? This was a good day in an amazing place, two happy, peaceful, rested people...We were in Canyon Lands National Park in Utah, it was windy and cold, but ohhhhhh the views.

We got the bikes out for about an hour ride tonight - what a treat. The weather was so nice and the ride was relaxing and a good workout. I finally asked Chris what he thinks of my haircut. He said he likes it and hopes I'll keep it this way. Hurray, we have consensus. Tomorrow is slated for a 5 mile hike - we have to start early, we'll see how far that goes. I talked to him about the gym I'm looking into and he's encouraging on that too.

I'm very much looking forward to the concert in two weeks. The 31th is RUSH at the Gorge in George, WA. Neal Pert is THE drummer in my humble opinion, and that's about all I can state about RUSH. The lead singer and base player sings kinda whiney to me - I first thought he was a girl with a deep kinda voice, nope. He never appears to sweat in their DVD's, Neal doesn't sweat either, but he wears a headband when he plays the drums.

I want to see Chronicles of Narnia -Prince Caspian. I loved the first movie, saw it like 10 times!!! But, the reviews are bleak on this second installment, the story line seems pretty silly after all the possibilities from the first movie. My daughter and Chris were not impressed with Narnia, neither got it the way I guess I did, so suppose I'll check out a matinee for Wednesday afternoon. Chris'll go with me to see the new Indiana Jones movie - of course.

What do those darn dreams mean?

Almost every night I dream of some place from my past. The house of a friend from grade school I think is pretty prevalent in my dreams, but I can't quite for the life of me remember the person anymore. I remember being in that house once or twice, can't decide exactly why it sticks in my way-back machine.
I dreamt last night of my daughter, her ex-boyfriend, and his mother. We were having a discussion, I couldn't hear what was being said out loud (guess that's common in dream land) but I knew non of us was particularly happy. Amanda was doing dishes and I was helping her. John had a big backpack and just before I woke up he walked out carrying it, and Amanda followed him out. I could see his mother in the dream, but she didn't have much to say, I think she was on her computer or the phone or something. I didn't see Fay there either. We were in that dark house from the upper paragraph.
She and I aren't getting along these days. I called her last night and got the brush like someone trying to collect money (I've had that job - I know that tone of voice). We talked about David Cook for a minute, I asked about her dental shadowing that she did on Tuesday, she said it went OK, but they didn't let her DO anything, then it was time for David Cook to start singing again, so I told her I'll call you back. After he was done singing, I called her back, and got WHAT WOMAN WHAT DO YOU WANT?? And Fay was crying, and I totally forgot what I called to tell her - which is that David Cook was born in 1982, same year as her, and the AC on his guitar is for his brothers Aaron and Andrew. One of them is sick with cancer...got that from Wikipedia. So - now you know something I wanted to share with her.

After that discussion on Monday - she hasn't called me. I haven't seen her or Fay since Sunday and I miss them both. Knowing her like I do - there's something going on she doesn't want to talk to me about... OK, fine. I'm her biggest fan, but also her biggest critic. I've protected her, given her money, bought things for her and Fay, given of my time on many occassions to the detriment of my relationship with Chris. Taken time from myself, my job, and my boyfriend to help her in times of her needing - which I don't care about after all she's my child and I love her and I will continue to do for her when she needs me. WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND however, is why I'm the bad guy here.
Any suggestions?

Toeing the line

I wonder sometimes how a mother can toe that fine line between being a parent, being a friend, and being a pain in the fanny to the children. After all, even though they're adults - they're still children to their parents.

I've talked before about how my relationship with my daughter Amanda is different from most relationships between kids and parents. Whatever, she's almost 26 and I'm almost 46, so we've been together a long time as a family unit. But for a year that she refused to speak to me because I asked her to move out, there has been a rickety bridge between us all our lives together. Sometimes when I'm needed, I'm her best friend. Other times when I'm not needed, I become a burden to her, taking over and doing things I'm not welcome to.

So, here we are at this place in our relationship again. She refuses to tell me what she did yesterday, which tells her mother that she spent the night and day with Fay's Daddy doing a family Mother's day thing. For that - I'm happy as a clam. She should have her family with her on the day set aside to celebrate what a mother goes through for her child - not only pregnancy, labor and delivery... there's a LOT to being a mother.

I have taken time from my life to take care of my grandchild to relieve Amanda for some time to study... to have a small social life... to have a little ALONE time which we all know we need. Somehow that's turned into I'm overstepping my place, talking out of turn, being a pushy grandma....

I realize she's quitting smoking. Something she DOESN'T want to do but knows if she's going to succeed in a dental profession it's necessary. She's taking a prescription quit-smoking-aid, something called Chantix. She says she feels weird from the medication.

I realize she's halfway to her goal of being a dental assistant, quitting the pizza place, moving forward in her life and goals and for those things I'M SO DARN happy for her I could do the happy dance right here in my bedroom.

I'm told that I'm trying to take away "Daddy" time with Fay - which I AM NOT. Somehow in her mind I've become too pushy. Fay is only going to be 2 1/2 once in her life, and I'm young and healthy and I want to enjoy this time. In fact, Gosh darnit, I demand the right to enjoy this time. She's already saying to me that she can do this herself - or do that herself. She can climb the monkey bars all alone, go up the ladder and down the slide herself. Pick out and put on her own clothes, put her shoes on (sometimes not on the right feet though). She is learning how to use the bathroom, still not totally HEP to that idea, but hey she's working on it. Going to spend most of her adult life using a toilet, no real hurry to get started now... =-).

So, knowing how hard-headed my daughter is, here is my response to this situation. I'm going to wait for my child to call me and ask why she hasn't heard from me and tell me when she needs me to take Fay. Knowing her as I do...she's going to realize in a couple days that she needs me again, and we'll be back on that rickety bridge. Ahhhhhhhhhhh motherhood.