Toeing the line

I wonder sometimes how a mother can toe that fine line between being a parent, being a friend, and being a pain in the fanny to the children. After all, even though they're adults - they're still children to their parents.

I've talked before about how my relationship with my daughter Amanda is different from most relationships between kids and parents. Whatever, she's almost 26 and I'm almost 46, so we've been together a long time as a family unit. But for a year that she refused to speak to me because I asked her to move out, there has been a rickety bridge between us all our lives together. Sometimes when I'm needed, I'm her best friend. Other times when I'm not needed, I become a burden to her, taking over and doing things I'm not welcome to.

So, here we are at this place in our relationship again. She refuses to tell me what she did yesterday, which tells her mother that she spent the night and day with Fay's Daddy doing a family Mother's day thing. For that - I'm happy as a clam. She should have her family with her on the day set aside to celebrate what a mother goes through for her child - not only pregnancy, labor and delivery... there's a LOT to being a mother.

I have taken time from my life to take care of my grandchild to relieve Amanda for some time to study... to have a small social life... to have a little ALONE time which we all know we need. Somehow that's turned into I'm overstepping my place, talking out of turn, being a pushy grandma....

I realize she's quitting smoking. Something she DOESN'T want to do but knows if she's going to succeed in a dental profession it's necessary. She's taking a prescription quit-smoking-aid, something called Chantix. She says she feels weird from the medication.

I realize she's halfway to her goal of being a dental assistant, quitting the pizza place, moving forward in her life and goals and for those things I'M SO DARN happy for her I could do the happy dance right here in my bedroom.

I'm told that I'm trying to take away "Daddy" time with Fay - which I AM NOT. Somehow in her mind I've become too pushy. Fay is only going to be 2 1/2 once in her life, and I'm young and healthy and I want to enjoy this time. In fact, Gosh darnit, I demand the right to enjoy this time. She's already saying to me that she can do this herself - or do that herself. She can climb the monkey bars all alone, go up the ladder and down the slide herself. Pick out and put on her own clothes, put her shoes on (sometimes not on the right feet though). She is learning how to use the bathroom, still not totally HEP to that idea, but hey she's working on it. Going to spend most of her adult life using a toilet, no real hurry to get started now... =-).

So, knowing how hard-headed my daughter is, here is my response to this situation. I'm going to wait for my child to call me and ask why she hasn't heard from me and tell me when she needs me to take Fay. Knowing her as I do...she's going to realize in a couple days that she needs me again, and we'll be back on that rickety bridge. Ahhhhhhhhhhh motherhood.