Since nobody is reading my blog anyway

Why not really say something terrible and risque right here in public? Sort of like airing dirty laundry. Why the hell not anyway? As I said - don't think anybody has the time or the inclination to read my ranting anyway. Nowhere nearly as wonderful and sweet as Grammie is to her grandkids. Love in her life is sweet. Gattina and her travel and cats and wisdom have won her great acclaim. Pistols of course is a soap opera with daily followers. Me... well, I'm just plodding along here.

So - here's the thing. My boyfriends best friends brother-in-law is very hot. He makes me feel silly and stupid like when I was a teenager. No - he's not gorgeous. He's just your average looking guy - some wouldn't find him all that amazing looking at all -- but when I'm around him I can feel my eye's bug out, my tongue loll out of my mouth....I feel wet and wrung out and all I want to do is jump in his lap and yell BOUNCE ME BABY!!!
Ahem....
I came home Friday night to find best friend's jeep in my driveway. First thought was that lazy fucker can't park in the yard like everybody else, has to park his drippy stupid jeep in my driveway, in MY parking spot. Ok - fine, I get out of the car, trap through the snow to the door, and there's an ashtray on the step. I HATE SMOKING and I HATE ASHTRAYS... but that made me think that Steve came along...No way would Steve come out here - he's an Anthiest and no way's he going to get trapped out here. So, I open the door - and THERE HE IS!!!!
The object of my desire, the one man in the world that could nod his head at me and make me give up my life, my job, my family, my world.... just to look into those beautiful green eyes. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
So I come in and start stammering and flop down and start taking off my jacket and shoes and deal with the cats and Chris and best friend and hotty is SITTING ON MY COUCH!!!!! Right next to me. He has his 100% jar on the table and a couple of apparatus in the same area, said Take your pick... oooooohhhhhhhh thank you - my PICK!!! take your shirt off, and follow me.
................... no.
SO then he confused me by handing me this little green package and said take your pick and help yourself.. Ok, I finally understand... takes this blond a minute. Pick one, load up and help yourself. So, I did.
Then just to cause me a heart attack, he does this funny stretch move that shows off his nice little hairy belly. I can't swallow the lump in my throat....or stop the hot flash from crossing my face.
Since I was introduced to brother-in-law I've been dealing with these sensations when I'm around him. I say stupid things, I get a dumb girl look on my face, I wonder if I could get away with putting my hand between his legs. How could I have an affair with my boyfriends best friends brotherinlaw? I couldn't is how. There's no way I would give up what I have with Chris - no reason in the world. In fact I've been putting some serious thought to this subject. What would it take, how would it work, how to approach the subject? What would he be giving up? I have run all this through my mind - there's too much to give up on either side, and obviously he's not the catch I think he is - or he'd have a woman of his own already. I know if he shows up with a woman I'll be jealous and rude.
I know this is wrong even thinking about it, talking about it is the same as actually doing it in some people's minds. I've gone all the way in my mind with someone I've never touched, who's never made one remark or look or anything. He's straight up with everyone I've seen him talk to. I like his sister a lot, I like her husband and I love Chris.
Am I unhappy or bored in my relationship? Is this the start of the seven-year itch? Is there something for me to worry about in myself? I know I've said Chris loves me more than I love him. What will keep me here? What will keep my relationship with Chris steady and on the right course? How DARE I even have these thoughts? How could I tell Chris about it? Should I? What would he do if he knew I had the hots for someone? Would he consider I was cheating and break up and move out and let the thoughts ruin our relationship? Would telling him do it?
What stops me from talking to HIM? Because saying the words to that person will forever change everything, is why. There is no reason whatsoever to put assunder everything I have worked for, that Chris has worked for. IT would cost me everything, including my relationship with my daughter and my granddaughter.
Probably even for saying this I'm in serious trouble. Ok, here goes, I'm going to publish this, and hope I'm not struck by lightning.