Somebody said "Let's order a new sofa"!!

Will a simple painting job in the house ruin a relationship?

How does one know that the phrase "lets buy a new sofa" will completely and forever change your life??? Oh, you might think that it's a small thing, after all, its an inanimate object, right? How can something L shaped and covered in BEAUTIFUL dark red fabric over memory foam, with solid wood feet, which takes 8 weeks to be built and delivered change everything?

Do you play Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine who sets the schedule, does the rotton grunt work of taking all that crap off the walls, removing the plug covers, taping the ceiling, taping the plugs, moving everything heavy. Then that next neat part of washing the walls, removing the cobwebs from the corners, making sure everything is in place - the tarps, the paint pans, the brushes, rollers, rubber gloves. Hours, or days later when you finally get to put paint on the brush (or roller) and finally get to put paint to the wall, who decides how to start, where to start, how long to paint, how many coats to paint, how long between coats, if after one coat you HATE the color, who screams STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!

I was raised by a painter - he always handled all the painting jobs in our home. My big job was to pick the color of my room, put everything in the middle of the bed, and get the hell outta the way!! Usually the next afternoon, I was allowed to resume living in my room, if the smell was gone. Magically the room was clean, bright and done.

Now... well, things are WAY different. We start with that saying, "lets order a new sofa".

I looked around...the paint is old, and the carpet is dirty, and the drapes won't match, oh and if we're painting in the (currently tan) living room, we better paint the (currently tan) kitchen. He said 'I like this color, and this color '. I, "like THAT color, and THAT color", and of course the carpet is This COLOR. Well -thankfully, the girls at the bank (his OTHER WOMEN) told him strongly that the woman is supposed to pick the paint. So, we compromised, I chose the kitchen color, he chose the living room color, after all, he paid for the sofa. Being the M A N that he is, he doesn't understand the logic of color-choices for a woman. I wanted the kitchen color to make ME feel comfortable, since I spend a LOT of time in that room. I chose a medium green shade, it's very perky and livens up the small space. Trying to explain the logic behind a woman's color choice is akin to explaining electricity to a rock. He of course has a logical statistical reason for everything in the world, including paint color. The living room - by the way, will be dust-rose. Mostly white, with a very faint hint of red, which will accent the sofa.

Last weekend began with removing stuff from the dining room and kitchen walls, moving the stove and fridge out of the way, plug covers, taping against the ceiling, taping against the floor, taping the plugs. Then washing the walls and scrubbing the wood trim along the floor, and plastic over the cupboards and counters. Chris did a major job of doing some stain work to the cabinets that were bad. That took about 18 hours all together over a few days to get started. Then the tarps and the paint came out and we could finally get started. 8 hours later the first coat was on the kitchen, and its wonderful to see finally what my green kitchen is going to look like. After I finished cleaning the roller covers (oh and by the way - lesson learned here - don't wash the roller covers, they're cheap, throw them away and use fresh ones with the second coat), I showered and fell in bed to go to work the next day. Chris stayed up to put a second coat on, and yes he used the washed roller cover. Well, I got up the next morning to roller streaks on the wall.

If it'd been ME that left streaks, I'd still be hearing about it a week later, but because it was HIM, I got home from work and was told " there's streaks on the wall, guess we'll have to live with it, cover it up with the mirror and the pan rack, and in a couple years we can repaint the wall". Ohhh... Jesus please help me to stay calm and remember that murder shouldn't ever start with the phrase "lets order a new sofa"...

Well, we took all those ugly plastic plug and light switch covers and threw them in the garbage and bought beautiful medium finish solid oak covers. They look just excellent against the green in the kitchen. We changed a dimmer switch that was hooked into the ceiling fan for a regular up and down switch, now the fan is quiet!!! We changed the thermostat to the heaters in the living room to one that is digital and program-able, and it works, and the rooms is warm.

Countdown, the sofa is only 6 or 7 weeks away, we have to finish at least the living room and hallway and clean the carpets, then there's the laundry room and the bathroom. Nope, first the bathroom heater needs to be changed, then the touchup work to the kitchen and dining room celing (paint bled under the tape and we have GREEN streaks on the ceiling and along the floor). Next is caulking behind the counter and leveling the stove again, and hanging the pans and oh, I have to go find a new dish drainer and garbage can. Bummer, seems we're going to have to paint next weekend, if we are both alive, and still living in the same house!!!!!!!!!